Death Wish

Okay, I've had this bumper sticker on my computer desktop for a month and finally decided to use it. I hope no one is offended.

So, I went to a dinner event at my former church last night, which is very CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN. After playing some Christmas songs they put on this strange comedy show that featured a series of skits. One of the skits was about the church "going green" and they proceeded to satirize and make a mockery of the Green Movement.

Now, I have a thick skin and always appreciate a little fun-poking, but there is an irony here — the church and its members likely do NOT CARE LESS about going green. To them, GOING GREEN is the pointless folly of left-wing wackos. If you are a conservative Christian, GOING GREEN is the furthest thing from your mind because you are too busy "finding God." Just as the Hebrews mocked and made fun of Jesus as he was led to his execution, so do the religions conservatives make fun of the environmental movement -- as it is led to ITS execution. As I left the building last night I noticed the parking lot was full of SUVs. No doubt they are holy SUVs given by God to his children, as a gift for their loyalty to the GOP.

So, really, not that I'm pissed or anything. But I do want to bring up something else that's been gnawing me all week — THE WHALES!!! Over the past week I saw a movie and read some articles about whales — THEY ARE BEING PUSHED TO THE BRINK OF EXTINCTION! Personally, I think driving other species to extinction is a serious crime against nature, and those responsible should be held accountable. I think species extinction is a LOT more serious than drinking an occasional beer or saying the word "FUCK" when you smash your thumb with a hammer. Really, I do.

This leads me to think about ABORTION, the favorite push-button issue of the Religious Right. Now, I totally agree that abortions are BAD. But let's weigh the gravity of the wrongdoings. Humans are multiplying like rabbits and have hit 6.5 billion people (500 million added in the last 9 years). At the same time, whale populations are already small, and several species are rapidly shrinking. So, when some desperate, low-income female wants to abort a baby she does not want, she is considered a criminal by religious conservatives. But when a Japanese whaling fleet steams to the Antarctic and murders 1,000 whales, the conservative Christians simply say, "Oh, they are reaping God's bounty." So, I'm just saying that there is something really unjust here.

Now, again, I concede that abortions are BAD, but I can assure you that there is NO SHORTAGE of humans. In fact, multiplying is about the only things humans appear good at. Oh, and if there was comprehensive sex education in the U.S., and if there was better access to contraception and emergency contraception, and if American males showed a little decency, respect, and intelligence, then abortions could be practically ELIMINATED!

So, getting back to the bumper sticker .... see I guess conservative Christians want to turn the Earth into Mars or maybe Venus. I'm not sure why, but they just seem to want to. According to their interpretation of their ancient stories, once they help to really, and I mean REALLY, screw the Earth up, then their God will come and whisk them into the clouds.

The moral of the story is that, sure, I'll rot in hell, but when the Christians are gone, I'll get their cars — and I mean a LOT OF REALLY NICE cars. I'll have hundreds of cars. Each heathen, Muslim, Hindu, and other non-compliant person will each be assigned CARS! And then we will get to drive the cars all over rocky Mars. And better YET, we'll all get their shoes, and I mean a LOT of shoes. So, make fun of the environmental movement all you want to because I'm gonna have a lot of cars and shoes. Wow, man.