Sinking, Spiraling, Fading

Depression is not something you can control. It just comes out of nowhere and hits you, and suddenly you find yourself falling into a dark abyss. Each day I watch the world go by and I feel that I'm just sitting in a movie theater watching a show. Half of me does not want to be here, but the other half does, so that I can keep gazing at the stars.

Lately, my cynicism has only gotten worse. I did not follow Copenhagen closely because I already knew the outcome. I am so cynical that I'm suspicious about everything — the Afghan surge, health care reform, etc... Every time I read something in the news, I think "follow the money" or "who's on the take." I know that true idealism has been left to the preachers and poets, and that what really motivates our institutions is self-interest and greed.

As for humanity, the extreme violence really drags me down. The story of the Mexican drug criminals who murdered the grieving family of the sailor who died in the drug war is beyond belief. The tireless terrorism of the Muslim wackos is also beyond belief. Setting off a bomb to murder and maim innocent people is beyond belief.

I believe that all government does is stop the excesses of our insane civilization. Without government, people could do anything they wanted, so they would just do the worst — rape, torture, murder, and looting. Once our civilization collapses, the world will be run by warlords, who will be vicious at first, but will then take on a form of idealistic righteousness — we see that right now with the Taliban. Eventually, the warlords will form city-states and small kingdoms, and eventually these will be united into nations by the strongest warlords, and thus the cycle will repeat.

As for humans, we are both beautiful and amazing, and disgusting and evil, all at the same time. But most unfortunately, we are also extremely ignorant. Most people are so hung up on pop culture, sports, and their white religious powder that they forget we live on a planet. They are clueless and only believe what Glenn Beck tells them, so that they don't have to actually research and think for themselves.

A few of us are self-aware, and that gives us the ability to look around and say, "WTF." Some of us become activists and dedicate our lives for a cause. As for the environmental activists, I respect and admire them with all my heart, but I'm wondering if their fight is in vain. And to even think that makes me feel like a rat, but I have just seen too much, and I'm understanding human nature more and more.

But something inside tells me to continue the struggle, not for victory, but because we find satisfaction in doing what our heart tells us to do. Maybe by doing what we know is right, we will find happiness, and that's something everyone seems to be searching for.

This last decade flew by. I look back and think of my accomplishments. I made a few, and I did some neat things, and had some fantastic experiences. I have no regrets, probably because I just don't care. In fact, I care less and less about things as I grow older.

Idealism is the most wonderful attribute to hold inside you, so I hold on to mine for the simple hell of it. I long for my soul mate, and I long for the time when I can just rest.

Courage

The woman in this video is Maryam Namazie, an activist against Sharia Law. Sharia is the brutal fundamentalist law enforced by many Muslims.

Maryam has great courage. She is risking her life to fight for social justice and to make life better for others, especially women. She's a great speaker. And she's not just talking behind a webcam or writing on a keyboard — she is out there in public, talking with great passion, and inspiring others.

Many people do nothing for social or environmental issues, and some do a lot. But few risk their lives for their causes. To me, these are the very greatest people in the world. Maryam has my extreme, deepest respect.

I have demonstrated before and have even done some civil disobedience to defend the environment. I have been arrested and threatened with arrest. But never have I been in fear of my life. Those who risk their lives are the true champions. I hope there is a time in my life when I can test my courage like Maryam and others. When the real test comes, I'm not sure how I'll stand up, but I hope that I hold firm. If I pass the test, I might not be able to celebrate because I may be dead.

To the activists in repressive countries like Iran, China, and other nations, I applaud and salute you. To the activists who stand up to the tyranny of Islam, you have my greatest respect of all. Your oppressors are not very nice and have no problem justifying extreme violence for their faith. To me, that's an awfully sick faith.

Please remember Maryam in your thoughts. Or, better yet, support her cause.

One Law For All - No Sharia Campaign

Left Behind

"You little baby-killing, liberal freak. Don't tell me about evolution. I know darn well that I didn't come from a monkey. I came from God."


This week I attended a professional leadership training, and at one of the meals I was sitting around a group of people who were talking about church and Christian authors. This made me feel uncomfortable, especially when they were talking about the "Left Behind" series by Tim LaHaye. In other conversations, a guy was telling me how he thought the United Nations was evil, and their comments about the Sierra Club, were negative, but at least respectful.

All this made me realize that when I chose to become a nonreligious progressive in 1997, I really isolated myself. I am particularly isolated from my super religious siblings and mother, and it's a sinking feeling when my sister gives Glenn Beck books as gifts to family members.

So, why DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF????

Because when I was a college student I started asking questions, and when you start questioning EVERYTHING, you can never, never turn back. In my 20s I became suspicious that my religion was completely made up, so I started doing research. The first thing I did was read the entire New Testament and nearly all of the Old Testament. At the time, I WANTED the Bible to win, and I was searching for the "magic bullet" or "smoking gun" that would prove to me that the Bible WAS REAL.

One of the most damning books I read was about the Dead Sea Scrolls, which convinced me that Jesus was a plagiarist. Now, if you are God descended from Heaven, I'd have to assume you are pretty damn smart and wouldn't need to steal from 200-year-old literature for your sermons. Yet, that's exactly what Jesus does with his Sermon on the Mount. This information is readily available and in the public domain. To me, that evidence right there is a death blow to Christianity.

However, it took me years to unravel the rest of the Biblical mythology. I finally found the clues I needed in 2003 when I stumbled upon the work of Acharya S. I now own most of her books, and have spent countless hours reading her website, articles, and blog. The essence of her work is that ALL religion evolved from ancient astrological worship. And yes, I believe the Zeitgeist movie is true, and a lot of information in the religious segment of the movie comes from Acharya's research.

In addition to religion, I've also studied evolution and astrology, which gives me an entirely different take on the world.

Ignorance is bliss ...

It would have been easier to go through life in lockstep with the masses, but now I have broken out and entered a new, and lonely world. I am different. I believe that ALL religion was created by men (sorry, not women) and that evolution explains the origins of life. I find evolution wonderful and fascinating, and I'm not going to attribute the miracle of nature to a God story. Rather, I will say that Earth is a one-in-a-billion wonder, and we are extremely lucky to live on this beautiful Planet, yet we are destroying it as fast as we can.

The debate ...

But herein lies the problem. It is difficult to have any discussion with religious conservatives who have such a vastly different worldview from my own. Unfortunately, rather than engaging in meaningful debate they simply get defensive, angry, and they DON'T LIKE YOU. For instance, many Christians get offended by evolution, saying, "My ancestors were NOT monkeys." Well, your ancestors are NOT monkeys — we simply have a common ancestor.

And left behind ....

The ones with the conservative religious worldview are the ones in the driver's seat, at least here in Georgia. I have massive philosophical differences with these folks. They are deeply offended that I support choice, and I am offended by their total unconcern for the environment. We have vastly different values and views. And as we've seen, the Left and the Right can't even work together on the most basic issues, like health care. It is sad, but I believe that once a person holds onto one mythology, such as religion, he or she is prone to hold onto many more. Their entire lives become a myth. As for me, I've spent my entire life trying to separate the Reality from the Myths. I wish more people would join me and do the same.

War Is Insane

A colleague sent me a book about his experiences in Vietnam. Last night I was reading about all the guys who purposely shot themselves to get out of combat. They typically staged the shooting as a gun cleaning incident. To keep from getting arrested they had to make the accident look real, and they obviously put a lot of time into thinking it out.

There has been a lot of talk lately about what is moral war. President Obama said the following four reasons are moral:

1. Self defense
2. Defense of another nation that's being attacked.
3. Humanitarian (civil war or regime that's killing its own people)

Well, I would definitely strike out #3. As for the first two, there are shades of gray. For instance, did a nation provoke another nation to strike? Did one nation engineer an incident as a pretext for "self defense?"

I will say that MORAL WARS are rare. The only real exception is World War II, which is the only moral war I can think of. If I had to fight in any war, it would be that one because you wouldn't have to struggle with the morality of the conflict — it was a no-brainer. Just look at how the Axis Powers treated the people in their occupied territories, and that alone justified the morality. The atrocities committed by the bad guys were unimaginable.

Iraq was NOT a moral war at all. Evidence continues to come out that Britain and other nations knew that Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction, but the Bush Administration was relentless in their push for war.

Afghanistan IS a moral war because the Taliban aided Al-Qaeda, the mysterious terrorists that attacked us (at least that's what we're told). So, in Afghanistan and Pakistan we are up against a group of religious fanatics who believe that extreme violence is an acceptable method to obtain their political goals. Of course, they get a lot of funding from rogue Saudi princes who, in turn, get their money from us — you know, when we fill our Hummer gas tanks.

Vietnam was not moral at all. I was a kid during that war, and I was told we were containing Communism. It was simply drilled in me that Communism was bad, and I didn't seriously question it. Only recently, after reading an Internet article, did I understand what Vietnam was REALLY about.

See, Vietnam was about a small group of rich people, who were once in collaboration with the French colonists, who controlled most of the land and wealth. The Viet Cong were dirt poor civilians who favored land redistribution. The American public wasn't really told that. Instead, we just called them "gooks" and "Charlies," and the idea was to "light them up" with M-16 rifles. And not to mention the Gulf of Tonkin incident, which was used as justification to expand the war. Overwhelming evidence now shows that the reporting of the naval engagement was full of half truths and lies.

So, the moral of the story is when we send our boys and girls to war, really question what's going on. Don't just listen to what your political leaders are telling you. And don't think it is unpatriotic to question because patriotism is one of the world's biggest lies. Don't give your allegiance to any state, but rather give your loyalty to the planet and humanity in general.

As for what's REALLY going on in Afghanistan, I don't know yet. Who is bankrolling the bad guys? What do corporations have to gain from this war? Maybe it really is a moral war. My gut feeling is that it is. And, honestly, I don't have any respect for a group of people who treat their goats better than their women. I do believe that sometimes you must make war to make peace, but those situations are rare. May the current "surge" in Afghanistan truly be one of those times.

Waste Madness

I enjoy eating out and try to stick with places that use real china and silverware, like Waffle House or the Chinese buffet.

On occasion, I will eat at a fast food joint and it's a total guiltfest because I'm looking at all the waste going into the landfill. Part of me is saying, "I gotta completely avoid these types of restaurants," and another part of me is saying, "Everyone else is doing it, why fight it?" The worst offender is the Chick-Fil-A chain, you know, that Christian organization. My oldest daughter loves their food so we often go there for father-daughter time. But when I see all the empty waste on the tray, and when I look around at everyone else's tray, I am appalled. And yes, I'm ashamed of myself for patronizing such an anti-Earth establishment. But it's like an addiction because I know I will go back there — the food is wonderful, and I love their carrot salad. So, yes, I'm a hypocrite — I am the first to admit it. But unlike many religious types, I can smell my own shit.

At home, even though I live a relatively simple lifestyle and recycle whatever I can, my family and I still generate a lot of waste. Just look at all the food packaging! Some of the wrappers and boxes and crap can be recycled, but most of it can't. So, even an enviro-conscious family produces a lot of waste. And if I am producing THIS MUCH WASTE just imagine the waste that the typical American super-consumer creates. It is overwhelming.

So, where does the waste go?

All the plastic wrapping and containers end up in the landfill. Some landfills have liners, so they are basically a giant crap bowl. Others do not, and chemicals from the waste seep into our ecosystem.

All the cups, shrinkwraps, McDonalds toys, and everything else slowly deteriorates. This massive decay creates a lot of heat, and it also creates methane gas, which is one of the worst global warming gasses because of its ability to hold heat. Some of the methane is sucked from landfills and used for "green" energy, but most of it goes into the upper atmosphere, where it traps heat and makes our warming planet even hotter.

This begs the question ....

As our population continues to explode, and as millions more people are discarding millions more tons of crap, will we at some point reach a breaking point? Or can we just go on this way forever? I know the religious folks just think God will zap them out of their shoes, but does anyone else worry about this? I sure do.

We all can help ...

I once met a super recycling guy. He and his wife only threw out one small bag of garbage a month. The rest of it was either recycled, mulched, or they bought items with minimal or no wrapping to begin with. That is a good role model for us all.

I do need to make more of a commitment to shop at farmer's markets, however even these places put your produce in paper bags. So, the ideal solution is to visit a local farmer's market and bring your own bags or boxes. This is something I needed to do better at.

And finally ....

For those of you who are still using plastic bags at the supermarket, my gosh. BRING YOUR OWN! Just about every store is now selling reusable bags, yet most people STILL aren't bothering to use them. It's like people are not willing to take the minimal extra effort to bring their bags from home. Americans are a shameful lot. I mean, really.

Kaboom!

Things have so hectic at work that I rarely have time to blog, or do volunteer work. And that's a double irony. First, most of us must leech off the very system we don't like, you know, the one that's destroying the Earth. And secondly, most of us are so worn out from our jobs, and just trying to survive, that we have little time or energy for volunteer work.

As I go through this journey of life, I have resigned myself NEVER to give up, but I've really slowed down. I continue to become more cynical, jaded, and detached from our insane civilization.

The biggest disappointment of all is that I thought we could all come together as a team to tackle major issues like health care and climate change. The bickering, delusions, pettiness, and ignorance are absolutely incredible. The older I get, the more I realize how extremely ignorant the masses are.

The other disappointment is I'm realizing the utter futility of trying to reason with a religious person. These people are extremely defensive and typically have a narrow world view. There's no chance in debating them because they immediately see you as a baby killer, heretic, and all-around rotten person. For instance, I recently offended my religious neighbor just by saying I believe in evolution. For some reason, the idea that we came from monkeys really offends religious folks. But I have good news — we DIDN'T come from monkeys, only a common ancestor.

Then the extreme violence of the Muslim world continues to discourage me. I know it's PC to defend them, but honestly, Islam totally sucks. I'm not going to worry about offending people who rape their female prisoners before executing them, so that they won't go to heaven. I have zero respect for Islam, and ALL religions for that matter.

Even in our own country we have plenty of Christian militia, albeit they are far less violent than the Taliban and Sunni extremists. I'm finding that many of the "independent Baptist" churches in our country are simply political and social organizations. Most repulsive of all is Pastor Steve Anderson of the Faithful Word Baptist Church in Tempe, AZ — you know, the idiot who said the president should be put to death. His church is nothing more than an organizing center for Christian militia, just like many mosques are meeting places for Muslim militia. And thus, we have reason number 1,098 for why religion is just all around bad.

So, I journey on, in this very crazy world. I do sort of look forward to when I can escape this nut house ... you know, the place where people destroy themselves and planet, and are too stupid to do any better. Yeah, that's the place — Earth.

I really do love the human species — we are fascinating creatures. But I have no problem if our species goes extinct. It is quite possible that when we go down that we will do irreparable harm to our very beautiful planet. But that's okay too. There are probably a few more Earth-like planets in the Universe, and when some other dominant species evolves, I hope they do better than we did.