Confusica

Every day I wake up and never know what to expect. Some days bring wonderful joy, other days bring pain, but most days are just mundane. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm just a collection of a trillion living cells that somehow rose to a collection, not over billions, but trillions of years -- not in this Universe, but in another. I have to remind myself that time is infinite and size is infinite -- both small and large. And here I am caught in this single dimension, on a single spot in an endless continuum, and now I am spending my whole life trying to unravel just who I am and what I'm supposed to do.

I am a carbon-based, highly evolved animal with a powerful intelligence that is able to introspect, reason, and question. Yet I am also tied to this fragile, temporary body that will soon wither and fade. According to evolution, my only purpose is to reproduce and then get my children to reproduction age. That's it, man. But then there is the evolution of the mind and soul, and suddenly I feel a responsibility to do more than simply put a couple of kids in the world. There must be some sort of Universal destiny, and maybe what I do while on Earth can somehow make it easier for the next generation to approach the ultimate objective, whatever that may be.

I feel pain — deep pain that tears at my soul. I watch my friends and relatives die, have strokes, and suffer. But I feel great joy — the joy of a once-in-a-lifetime encounter when you make a special connection with someone. But then you have to march on into the battle because perhaps life isn't suppose to be that fun and wonderful. Maybe the essential goal in life is not to pursue happiness, but to fulfill the mission.

Alternating forces tear me apart as I stand on a planet that is whirling through space. At any time as asteroid could hit and smash my world apart. But no worries because humans have turned nuclear power into weapons, so every day we are not glowing is a miracle in itself.

The point is, each of us must make the decision to either follow our heart or our soul. What seems so unexpected seems so real now, and what once was distant now seems so close.

So, one day when the myths are unraveled and the lies are all debased, we'll be sitting on the ground exhausted from our hard work. We'll stare at that proverbial sunset and we'll feel alive — more alive than we've ever felt before. And there will be hope, and there will be a future, and suddenly a trillion little cells will have a purpose.