On Turning 44 ....

Eeeeks! My birthday is in two days. I can't say that I'm "early 40s" anymore. But so what.

As I reflect on my 44 years of existence, the most DRAMATIC thing that strikes me is how little I've changed since I was 15.

What I'm beginning to see is that humans develop their personalities at a young age and really don't change at all. You can say, "Well I can think of people who CHANGED," but what has really happened is those people have discovered who they are.

One of the greatest challenges of life, I have discovered, is that from the moment you are born your family and community try to mold you. As soon as you come into the world, your religion, value system, and even goals are already picked out for you.

You are told to go to college, get married, have kids, drive a nice car, live in the suburbs, be a good Christian, be a loyal Republican, brush your teeth, and wear yuppie clothes from the mall.

Some people conform because it never occurs to them to question the lifestyle of their parents or community. For other people, maybe they really are yuppie robots, so they fit in perfectly. But other humans are trapped in a strange world and try to live a life that gains the acceptance of our parents, church leaders, and community. But we are never truly happy because we don't get to be ourselves.

Some famous lines:

• "Go to college, be successful, make lots of money, and you will be happy."
• "Climb the corporate ladder and you will find contentment."
• "Get married and have lots of kids."
• "Confess your sin and become heterosexual."
• "Be a good Christian, be a good American!"

Already, the mold is made for us, and if we refuse to accept it we are called, a "rebel," "back-slidden," "problem child," "odd ball," and whatever other name people can tag us with.

In America, we are programmed to become materialistic consumption machines. We are told to give our kids a nice Christmas to show our love, and if we don't have the money, we are told to "charge it." At the same time we are told to follow "traditional Christian values," and no one questions if Materialism and Christianity conflict.

"Go to church, get a gun, kill the terrorists, buy lots of stuff at Wal-mart," are all uttered in the same sentence, and we are suppose to say, "Yeah, great idea."

Little Jehovah's Witness kids come knocking at my door dressed in cute suits and dresses, with nicely dressed adults standing behind them. I just want to whisper in their ears, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO." It is not sowing seeds of rebellion, it's planting seeds of FREEDOM.

It took me much of my life to realize that I just wanted to be me, the little guy I was at age 15. So, seven years ago I just decided to start being me again, and I have loved it. No more ties, no more obsession with materialism, no more trying to impress people, no more faking how righteous or conservative I am, no more phoniness. Just me.

I guess you could say I "came out of the closet" in 1997. The person I found was a pitiful, pathetic wretch. The person had little money, a small house, and an old car. He believed passionately in God, but caught on to the clever, manipulating game of religion. He believed passionately in his country, but started to understand that democracy in America is a farce. He never believed in the corporate institutions, yet he found himself following their mantra of "BUY, CHARGE, SPEND."

The person I found buried under 22 years of social programming wasn't so bad. I'm sure there is something good about him, at least I think so. But what I do know is that this person is relatively happy.

To everyone reading this, I wish to say, "BE WHO YOU ARE." Question the institutions that try to force you into a mold and make you into someone you are not. And most importantly, LEARN TO ACCEPT OTHERS FOR WHO THEY ARE.

A good book to read:



Give Me Liberty, By Gerry Spence

Blessed Unrest

"Blessed Unrest" by Paul Hawken is a book I will probably be blogging about for a long time because it has given me so much clarity. I'm almost finished reading it, but what I can say now is that it is a direct hit on what is currently on my mind and soul.

How can we save the world?

Well, Hawkens says that what we really need to do is reinvent our civilization. The main challenge is how can we modify human behavior to stop screwing the Planet and the millions of underprivileged people who live on it?

He says we actually are taking action, in a million different ways around the world. He points out to the thousands of social justice and environmental organizations that ARE making a difference. He compares them to the body's immune system -- responding to a hostile pathogen.

Now, these are the most profound words that I will ever say:

We humans need to reinvent our relationship with the environment and to one another. That is the secret of our survival and sustainability.

In short, we need to live in such a way that we are not harming people, places, and other creatures. This is hard to do because we are so entrenched in our lifestyles, and we may not realize that each day, in a thousand little ways, we are hurting fellow humans and the Earth. This really hits the nail on the head of what my life's mission is all about. I thank author Paul Hawken so much for giving me this clarity.

Now, to begin the work -- at all levels. We need to continually pressure our institutions from the bottom up. Tomorrow I am going 90 miles away to another town to campaign for a green politician, going door-to-door. I really don't want to do it, but I've been lacking a little courage lately and need to face my fears. Most people, even highly involved activists, don't have the balls to do this. But I think of the people around the world who are risking their lives for their environmental or social cause, and I figure this is the least I can do.

I have to keep in mind that INSTITUTIONS THAT BENEFIT FROM THE STATUS QUO WILL RESIST CHANGE. Of course, the three big institutions in this world are government, religion, and corporations. All three are in urgent need of reform, and, once again, the pressure needs to be applied from below.

As for me, I am just a mass collection of cells. I am no better than my dog, any other living thing, or any other person. Maybe that's what Jesus was trying to tell us, but no one listened. Yeah, right.

Getting People To Play Nice

I continue to spend countless hours trying to figure the world out. I read the newspaper, read articles on the web, and read books. I go to a discussion group and I regulary have "deep thought" discussions with friends.

The point is that I AM making forward progress. But I am almost 47 years old, so I'm wondering if I will still be able to take action by the time I figure everything out.

One thing I'm learning is that all the issues I discover as "new" have probably been around for thousands of years. For instance, industry's exploitation of workers and the environment - OLD ISSUE. Or, religion's collusion with industry -- OLD ISSUE. Or, the fact that industry controls government -- OLD ISSUE. Or that the rich and powerful control the poor and weak -- OLD ISSUE!!!!

The challenge is not to wipe out the ruling capitalists, but rather to restrain them. Or better yet, educate and recondition them. The quest for profit at the expense of life quality is, well, senseless. Yet it goes on and on, all over the world.

So, the question is: How can you get people to change their behavior and put the greater good of the whole ahead of making a quick buck? Is it possible? Do we need a sort of restrained capitalism, which will both motivate people and also force them to act responsibly? Me don't know.

Goose