Goose Visits the Psychologist

This whole thing about the Goose being a prophet wasn't catching on, and finally everyone voted unanimously to send him to the psychologist. Goose kept screaming and swearing he was correct, "I've done all the calculations ... I know, I know, I know!"

The next thing you know Goose is laying on the couch in a room with dark, musty panel. Dr. Snorensky is in a chair writing down notes.

"But I'm not crazy ... it's just that ... well ... peak oil, social unrest, and too many McDonalds. And not to mention Wal-Mart, which will remain open 24 hours even after the economic crash."

"Mr. Goose, calm down, relax."

"Everyone is so self-absorbed in their own little game, and everyone's doing a different thing without seeing the big picture. The television has sucked their intellect out. Then there's these mega churches where they show movie clips and give you 'practical lessons' and send you out the door, and you have just enough time to beat the crowd at Longhorns."

"What???"

"And this Universe is so complex and beautiful, from the big stars down to the cells in our bodies, yet most people don't even think about it or write it off to the 'man in the sky' kind of thing. But, okay, maybe there is a God, but maybe this supernatural being is not a being at all, but rather a force that aids evolution and keeps the Universe in order."

"Are you saying God is dark energy ... dark matter???"

"Yeah, He's that force out there that makes all the atoms work, that makes gravity work, that makes photosynthesis work because, hell, no one has any idea how photosynthesis works, yet half the world is green, except for the parts that were clear-cut."

"Goose, do you need drugs?"

"It's like, I'm laying here now, on a rock that's traveling three times the speed of a bullet, soaring through space. Why can't people understand that just to be alive is a freakin' miracle? Why can't they appreciate this? Let's keep the ancient desert gods out of this. I mean, if you can't see it it ain't real."

"Goose, this is your free introductory session. You're only supposed to answer a few questions, like whether or not you hate your mother and have you ever been a member of the Communist Party."

"It's nuts, I mean, I'm telling people the economy is going to crash, we're going to run out of oil, and all that plastic we dumped at the landfill is going to turn into a creature and come and get us in the night."

"Delirium tremens."

"Who me?"

"No, I just like to say that term. Makes me feel professional."

"Look at all we've learned just in the past 100 years. The question is, can we learn everything there is to know? Does the human brain have limits to understanding? Are we going to blow a circuit breaker when we realize that matter is infinite, time is infinite, space is infinite, and we are just little shits who are addicted to pop culture?"

"Goose, I'm not getting paid enough for this."

"Not that I'm being random, it's just that, I think the world is a beautiful place, with lots of greens and blues, and all we humans know are economic growth and adding more people, to create customers. All we know how to do is consume, and we just keeping wanting more junk because it fills that big gap in our lives, and it makes us less miserable."

"Are you saying????"

"Yeah, we all want more, all do our own things, and eventually the blue marble that we share is going to crap out on us. And it's not fair to the millions of other species that share this place with us."

"Goose, I have to go. Baseball game tonight. Remember, you're just a patient, nothing more. I do this psychology crap to figure out myself, as if THAT'S really helping."

"Let me out. I have to go speak with the people. They need me. They want to hear the Message of the Goose."

"Fine, okay, fine...."