It was 2004 when I first started blogging and now I'm about to hit my 400th post. I remember dedicating entire evenings to a single post. It was a time in my life when I needed to sort things out. I had spent the year before doing deep research on religion in the hopes of, one last time, trying to find the Magic Bullet — the one thing that would let me know that religion is real. I never found it.
In 1997 I had this crazy idea that I would save the world, and I joined several environmental organizations and literally spent 20 hours a week attending meetings, working in political campaigns, and even going door-to-door to promote green causes. By April 2003 I was feeling the burn. I wanted to change the world but realized I was accomplishing nothing. My first blog post was in May 2004. In October of that year I joined a group called Atlanta Leavers, which studied the works of author Daniel Quinn. Mr. Quinn had written a groundbreaking book a decade earlier called Ishmael. It became the most influential book in my life. The book starts with some guy who responded to a newspaper ad about saving the world — that was me.
Next Steps
But when you want to save the world you have to dig deeper and start asking questions like, "WHY do I want to save the world?" and "Is the world worth saving?" And by "world," what do I mean? So, I would say this: Humans are this beautiful and amazing species, but we are animals, not too far removed from apes. Just like any other animal we multiply like crazy when there's plentiful food and we foul our habitat not only by our numbers but by our indulgence. Humans take the path of least resistance and before you know it we have powered garage door openers, automatic dishwashers, electric locks, and so on. In all these cases when we could be burning calories we are letting machines do work for us. We falsely think this is making our lives better but all it's doing is making us fat and lazy. So, this appears to be the course of a species with plenty of food and clever gadgets. So, again, I must ask myself is all this worth saving?
Reinvention
The answer is "yes," the species is worth saving. Not so that we can populate the Universe, like I once thought. Absolutely not because we are a foul and dirty species, and I don't want us screwing up the galaxy — we have already trashed one beautiful planet. But, I think we are worth saving because we are a fascinating and wonderful species. It took 15 billion years to create us, and I think we owe it to the Universe to preserve ourselves. We do this by learning how to live sustainably and becoming a more peaceful animal.
Politics
Sorry, but I not a liberal or conservative, nor a libertarian. I'm a progressive and I learn from examining all viewpoints. Everyone has something good to say and I look at every issue and evaluate it on a case-by-case basis. My politics are all over the map. I bring this up because the partisan deadlock in Washington is draining the life out of our country. But I believe we are deadlocked because at this late stage it's too late to stop the runaway train. So, politicians can't agree on anything because they can't effectively DO ANYTHING. It's just too late. The United States is in a vicious, downward spin.
For one thing, as the economy goes down there's more poor people and more resources are required to feed the poor, so we get caught in a destructive loop. The Roman Empire fell and there was a subsequent period of absolute chaos and hell, but humanity survived. What I'm trying to say is that everything operates in cycles, and when we are able to accept that the cycles themselves are easier to accept. So, in my desire to "save the world" my job is to move the cycles in a forward direction, and not all downhill.
End Game
But what's the end game? If I have some roll in moving humanity toward utopia, we simply become soft. We stop evolving mentally. If we are not challenged, we don't grow. The violence of the evil helps the good people to draw closer together. Disease makes the healthy people appreciative, and maybe even encourages them to live a better lifestyle. Adversity in our relationships helps us to grow emotionally. So, what am I trying to accomplish?
People assure me that even if, as a species, we blow ourselves out the planet will recover and survive. But I don't believe that for a second because I know the balance of the biosphere is sensitive. If the CO2 or other gases get out of whack, the atmosphere implodes and there is "sudden die off." I've seen this happen in our fish aquarium several times. So, maybe my goal is to preserve this living botanical garden in the galaxy? But why? Who's going to look at it and who's going to care? Am I doing this just so aliens can one day visit and say, "Wow, cool place?" I mean, it's a hollow and empty Universe. There's nothing out there but rocks, ice, and a lot of burning hydrogen balls. I mean, what the hell.
So, all this takes me back to square one. I can just take the easy way out and do nothing, and let the "cycles" take their course on our nation, our species, and our planet. Seriously, I'm not sure what I'll accomplish any way. Maybe if I do SOMETHING I'll feel better. Maybe I'll leave a legacy, but I won't be around to enjoy it. Maybe I can create a better world for my children, or maybe I can make life a little less miserable for someone else. Maybe that big tip I leave my server will make her smile. Maybe one of my dumb jokes will make someone laugh and have a better day. Maybe that is my function and purpose in life.
Yeah, a religious theology package could help me justify all this better, I mean, that's the purpose of it. But, it's not reality because reality is a blue and green marble flying through space in a vast, cold Universe.
Maybe I'll just join a rock-in-roll band. Not really sure. But I'm pondering ... I'm pondering, man.
Photo credit: Philerooski / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA
